Your email address:
1 You're running late to meet your pals for a Baskin-Robbins-fest when you realize you never told your Mom the plan. You:
yell, "See ya" as you dive out the front door. Why give her a chance to shut down your social?
schmooze, "Okay if I grab ice cream with the girls? and promise her a pint of (her favorite) Pralines'n'Cream
don't bother begging. How can the Jenny Craig queen relate to Chocolate Mousse Royale cravings?
2 Your yearlong crush has asked you to the Coolio concert, but there's a dilemma: He has no wheels. When you ask Mom if you can borrow her car, she says she's driving her date to the new Tom Cruise flick, Mission: Impossible.
call your crush, tell him you're homebound and feel like a Foolio.
throw a fit. Dealing with her is impossible.
propose a brilliant plan: If she'll ask her date to drive--so you can groove with your dream boy--you'll cook dinner every night next week.
3 You're library-boud when Mom says she sees you so little, she's converting your room to a bed'n'breakfast. You:
say, "I can't help it if I have a life!" and wish her good luck in her innkeeping endeavor.
stay home--with a vengeance. If you sulk enough, she may suggest you go out.
say, "I have to study for a test, but tomorrow let's do that two-for-one deal at Totally Nails."
4 You've spent all week at the mall picking out a to-die-for dress to wear on your Saturday day. When the big night rolls around, your mom sees the strapless number and says, "You're not leaving the house dressed like that!" You:
put the dress back in its bad and swear to get even by breaking curfew.
ask if it's okay to wear it if you cover your cleavage with a cardigan.
refuse to change and slam the door on your way out.
5 When your mom tells you she's going on a business trip, you start plotting a raging party. But before you can e-mail your posse with the plan, Mom reads your mind and says no fiestas. You:
smile. She's dreaming if she thinks she can stop the Rave of the Year from seven states away!
say okay, but sulk the whole time she's gone and don't bother to clean up the house before she returns.
ask if you can have a few girl pals over (since you've been wanting to have a get-together for eternity).
6 Mom keeps dissing you because you don't fit into a size 4 (like your best friend) or get an A in algebra (like your brother). You:
tell her she's hurting your feelings.
suggest she pay attention to her own faults, since she's got more than Courtney Love and Roseanne combined.
vow to starve yourself and do nothing but study.
7 You're five minutes past curfew and five miles from home. The only person at the party who can drive is the guy who's been drinking that scary purple punch. You:
jump in the car with Mr. Tipsy, pray to the Air Bag God and hope Mom isn't waiting up.
crash at the party and sneak in early the next A.M. She'll never know.
call Mom, apologize for the poor planning and offer to either wait for her out front or hang for an hour until a (sober) girlfriend can pick you up.
8 Garbage is performing on Letterman, but just as the band's coming on, your mom starts to discuss how much you fight with little sis. You:
nastily explode, "Do we have to discuss everything to death?!" and crank up the TV volume.
turn off the tube and think, How come she's always against me?
ask if she'd mind waiting until after the band to talk it out.
9 You've started hanging out with this really cool Colin-on-90210 type (as opposed to your usual good-guy-Joe boyfriends). Mom forbids you to see him. You:
swallow your fury and ask,"Do you think we could talk about this?"
yell, "We'll see about that!" and stomp off to phone him.
stop seeing him. So what if it takes two years to get over him (and three again before you can watch Bev Hills again).
10 It's Sunday morning, and Mom's totally mad because you got dim sum sauce on her CK T-shirt. You:
tell her you're sorry. If you can't Shout it out, you'll buy her a new one.
run to your room and lock the door. You'll be safe there.
lecture her on how she's too attached to clothing. ("Shumai is slippery. It happens.")
11 Your class is goin on an all-day Water-Slide-Mania. The catch. You need 40 bucks to get in. You:
don't bring it up. Mom doesn't pull out funds for frivolous things.
ask her to float you the bills--and repay her by doing extra chores.
refuse to bathe. If she wants your hair to be clean, she'll have to cough up some green.
12 After school you look through the mail and find a letter from your school counselor addressed to your mom. You open it--and read that your grade in computer science is dipping dangeriously low. You:
rip it up and think, Thank goodness I got to it first.
leave it for her to see, but prepare your tear ducts for a down pour. (It's not your fault that your teacher doesn't like you).
show it to Mom and explain how you hate computers just like she does (she felt totally whipped when she had to learn Windows at work). Maybe she can help you out.